"You want the truth?!? You can't handle the truth!

It’s road trip season! What "truth" will you find?

How awesome would it be if our worrisome thoughts would take a break from replaying past situations and projecting us into future ones? How wonderful would it be if we weren’t on constant plan mode? Mapping out everything in excruciating detail by excruciating detail? How sane would it feel to stop practicing conversations in our heads of how we may respond to possible situations in the future? Seriously, please tell me I’m not alone on this last one :-)

On a recent road trip I discovered something quite surprising. It was an actual “Aha!” moment around these very things.

Over the years I've worked on ways to focus my attention away from ruminating on the past and feeling anxious about the future. I've learned how to place my attention on the present and have strategies to use when I get caught in an unhelpful spiral.

And during my busy day to days, it works great. More times than not, I feel present and grounded.

Enter my recent experience. Driving for hours on a solo road trip, I discovered something that gave me pause.

After immersing my attention in the deep red sandstone cliff walls and the lush green brush punctuating the hills. As I was admiring the roaring river racing over huge boulders, tumbled there centuries before by rockslides. While I was feeling the warm, fresh air and looking over hundreds of miles to the distant white peaks of a favorite mountain range…

I got, well...bored. What?!? It seemed so weird. And confusing.

It was like pulling myself through a grueling marathon and then being bored quickly after the finish line. Not what I was expecting.

My thoughts went sprinting back to all the things that my thoughts usually sprint back to. And before I knew it I was fully back in my head, racing along in past and future.

Why couldn’t I just linger in this place of presence and awareness? Why did I get bored when there was an infinite expanse of amazing presence and awareness to be experienced?

I hear Jack Nicholson’s voice from the movie A Few Good Men screaming at me, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” :-)

My road trip “Aha truth” moment was realizing how entertained I am by my thoughts, even the irritating and nagging ones. So much so that I even sometimes choose them over being in the here and now! What?!? I know!

Good thing mindfulness is an ongoing practice! My practice now includes looking at ways to redefine and rework my relationship with being mentally entertained by my past and future repetitive thoughts.

Because in another weird way, I think I might choose to be “entertained” by some anxious, fearful thoughts too.

Okay, I may need another road trip to tackle that one :-)

Drop me a line to tell me about your Road Trip Truths! I'd love to hear about them.

5 Steps to Stop Worrying When You Want to Fall Asleep

Does it seem like your thoughts are on overdrive when you lay down to go to sleep? Are you making progress in decreasing your worrying during the day but bedtime seems to make up the difference?

Often we get into the pattern of worrying at night as a stopgap measure to make sure nothing important slips through the cracks.

This stopgap measure may start out seeming helpful in the beginning. It may be the first quiet time you’ve had all day and reflecting on all these things really feels like it is helping keep all your plates spinning and balls in the air.

But, like many patterns or habits we establish, there comes a time when it crosses over to the “unhelpful” side. Worrying is one of the most common of these habits, regardless of the time of day.

If you find your mind is on overdrive when your head hits the pillow, these 5 Steps will be a lifesaver.

1. Recognize and identify worry myths. Recognize the role worry plays in your general belief system. Read over the Top 5 Worry Myths and identify which of the myths are your biggest hooks. We often confuse worrying (or even over analyzing) as problem solving and build up a false sense of comfort by doing it. Once we can see worry for what it is, we can start breaking our strong connection to it.

2. Thank and label false alarms. At night, part of your struggle is that you’ve gotten into the habit of receiving a level of comfort with worrying. Your brain actually thinks it’s being helpful when it starts the worry-machine as you lay down. You need to thank it for doing it’s job and label the thoughts as false alarms. They are false alarms not because they are about things that don’t exist or that may not be important, but because the timing is coming when you do not need to be alerted and you won’t be doing anything productive about them.

3. Write down the to-do’s. As you lay down and your brain revs up, thank and label the false alarms, and then write down the things you think you need to remember or something you just thought of. Keep a pen and paper by your bed to jot these down so you don’t feel tempted to continue to play them over and over in your mind. It is frequent enough that we think of something valuable at this time of night that having this pen and paper by your bedside will create peace of mind that the gem you thought of won’t disappear by morning.

4. Get up and read a book. If you do the above 3 steps and you find your brain just won’t turn off, get up and move to another room to read a book. I know, the thought of leaving a warm, cozy bed just because your brain isn’t cooperating doesn’t sound that appealing. But, it is important to physically interrupt the bedtime/brain overdrive habit that has been started.

5. Focus on counting slow breaths.  When you have identified, labeled, written and read and are ready for sleep, turn your attention to your breath. Breathing in through your nose and out through your nose, Count to six each way. This is called coherent breathing and will help you as you continue in the direction of awesome sleep. If the count of six in and six out is too slow, figure out the slowest you can do. The slow, steady rhythm is more important actual count here.

There are other things to keep in mind, like making sure you minimize your caffeine intake, start winding down your energy and activity level an hour before bedtime and try to disengage from the tv or internet at least 30 minutes before trying to fall asleep. BUT if you don’t specifically address your worrying then you will continue to struggle. These 5 steps will help tremendously! 

The Holy Grail of Stress Resilience!

I feel like I have discovered the holy grail of stress resilience! It is free, available to everyone and doesn’t require breaking a sweat or twisting into uncomfortable, yet beneficial postures.  It can be used anywhere and at any time.  

It actually is so basic, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it myself!

But, I didn’t.

And Dr. Richard Brown and Dr. Patricia Gerbarg actually went further and have written a whole book about it, The Healing Power of the Breath.  They’re not the first and they won’t be the last to try to educate the masses on the healing power we have at our disposal, our breath.

The little nugget of wisdom I’m practicing and want to pass on is this: 10 minutes each day of coherent breathing. I call it little, because 20 minutes would be Uhmazing, but 10 minutes is still a great start!  

Now the coherent breathing practice has just a few parameters to it. Sit comfortably or lay comfortably keeping a tall spine. Breathe in and out through your nose, 5 times per minute. That comes out to breathing in for six seconds and breathing out for six seconds. Count. Put your attention on your breath and this rhythm of sixes. If you need to breathe more often, say 6 or 7 times a minute when you are beginning that is ok. Start there and work your way down to 5.

Time flies by as your parasympathetic nervous system is engaged in a pure, rejuvenating, resilience building, oxygenated love fest!

Your parasympathetic nervous system is the one that helps reset after our sympathetic nervous system is activated to handle the daily rigors of life, stress and anxiety. If we don’t actively practice resetting, soothing and strengthening our parasympathetic nervous system, we run the risk of burning ourselves out with our overactive sympathetic nervous system.

Sounds almost too simple to work or be worth it, doesn't it? Usually that's the kiss of death to a new habit. When it sounds too easy we often dismiss it at first glance. Or we forget to schedule it into our daily routine, thinking we'll just remember to do it. 

Well, since we totally are too smart for our own britches, let's not let this holy grail go the way of all our past holy grails. Join me in making this one stick/work.

Take a moment now to type it into your calendar. It takes only 10 minutes to start practicing coherent breathing. I'd love to hear about your experience with it!

Is this "Just Me"?

We each have many qualities that help make us unique. Some qualities are passed along by genes and can be considered “Just Me”. Physical characteristics like eye color, curly hair, dimples, color-blind and freckles are just a few.

When we think of things like mood, temperament and challenges with anxiety it isn’t so clear cut. Researchers have found that these personality qualities are most likely caused by a complex mix of genes PLUS factors like life stresses, environment, life experiences, parenting, family experience, and health.

So your genetic make-up can put you at risk for developing anxiety but does not determine it.

That’s great news! Your miserable feelings of constant worry and anxiety are not something you have to put up with for the rest of your life!

What is the New Black?

The "new" OCD is the new black. Obsessive Comparison Disorder that is. I read this phrase recently (coined by Paul Angone) and was struck by how pervasive and detrimental constant comparing is. 

Paul writes, “People used to go to their 10-year reunion and have to make it appear for one night that their life was amazing beyond belief. Now, we’re trying to pull that appearance off every second of every day. It is an impossible, crazy-making, endeavor.” 

Have you been noticing that too?

Here are 3 Ways to Cure Obsessive Comparison Disorder.

1. Awareness. Knowledge is power! Knowing about the OCD "siren song" will keep it on your radar so you can avoid a major shipwreck.
2. Limit your facebook, web-surfing and social media time. These things fuel our OCD. Limit them, limit your OCD.
3. Gratitude. A daily habit of reflecting on 3 things you are grateful for is a total game-changer. 

OCD can be a major mood killer, stress enhancer and productivity black hole.

Practice The 3 Cures to shore up your defenses and stay your course!

Tell me something I DON'T know....

In addition to helping with our anxiety, regular slow, deep rhythmic breathing has been connected to improved digestion, pain relief, better circulation, lower blood pressure, stimulating the lymphatic system and many other integral parts of our overall health and wellbeing.

That is the part you know.

Here's the part you may not...

I’m going to describe something you've done a billion times but still may not really know about....HOW to breathe. 

And you aren't alone.  

The fact is, almost everyone gets into habits of poor breathing!

Optimal breathing should use your abdomen, not just your chest. It should be deep, slow and rhythmic and done through the nose, not the mouth. When you breathe deeply your diaphragm muscle pull your lungs down, so that they expand and so that you can really circulate oxygen down into the whole lung. You also want to make sure you breathe out by pulling your belly button toward your spine as if it is pushing out all the air.  

Regular, slow, deep breathing naturally relaxes the mind and body by allowing better communication with our nervous system. With this improved communication we become much more connected with our bodies and in doing so, our breathing works to recalibrate our body’s anxiety system.

Why Choosing the Dark Side (of chocolate) will Save you Anxiety this Valentine’s Day.

“Judge me by my percentage of Chocolate, do you?” Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

I loved the latest Star Wars! It strengthened my conviction to choose the Light Side over the Dark in all areas...except chocolate. Just in time for Valentine’s Day and all those chocolate hearts!

The healthiness of chocolate is directly related to how much sugar has been added to it. Regular milk chocolate is so full of sugars and unhealthy vegetable oils that the health benefits of the chocolate are a bit questionable.

True dark chocolate (at least 70%), on the other hand, can be good for you and in moderation help your mood. Dark chocolate is exceptionally high in stress reducing magnesium and contains l-theanine, a natural physical and mental relaxant. Scientific studies have found that eating about an ounce and a half of dark chocolate a day for two weeks reduced levels of stress hormones.

For the highest levels of l-theanine and magnesium, choose a chocolate very high in cacao. This 90% dark chocolate may take a few tries to get used to but but it is worth it.

 

5 Things I No Longer Believe about Anxiety

1. It is just who I am.

2. There’s something wrong with me.

3. Feeling better requires me to remember every time in my life I have felt like crap.

4. Talking to a trained professional won’t help.

5. I’ll never feel better.

Takeaway #1: The opposite of all of the above is true. Across the board.

Takeaway #2: Never give up on making your life the one you want to live.

So You Gave Meditation a Shot? Didn’t Work Out? 5 Things to Try Next.

I get it. I am fifteen years into my meditation journey and have a pretty good idea of what you are going through. Here are a few things I wish I would have known to try next.

1. Know that meditation (or attempting to meditate) is like flossing. Even if you do it once a leap year, it is never a waste.

2. Try to limit your distractions when you are working. If you can sustain your focus on whatever you are doing for 15 minutes, you are essentially meditating. Not in the mind clearing sense, but that isn't my idea of meditation. For me, meditation is the ability to focus on one thing and let distractions just come and go. So you aren't focusing on your breath? That project due next week works too!

3. The next time you are driving by yourself, see if you can just pay attention to driving for five minutes. If something takes your mind off driving, like the fb notification you just received or what you are going to do when you get home, bring your focus back to the feel of the steering wheel, the signs passing by, etc. The practice of bringing your attention back to what you are doing right now is as good as any five minutes on a cushion.

4. Take a nice, slow deep belly breath at least twice a day, or as many times as you think about it.  If you remember to do this multiple times a day you won't have to sit on a tiny little cushion another day in your life.

5. Keep the door open to all forms of meditation. Even the kind you tried that sucked. Keeping an open mind keeps us flexible and in and of itself is an offshoot of meditation. It is sort of like driving up to the top of Pikes Peak versus hiking up. The view at 14,114 ft. is the same either way.

Takeaway #1: Any attempts to pay attention to something without distraction is beneficial to our brains and can "count" as meditation.

Takeaway #2: By refraining to label ourselves as someone who "just can't meditate" we avoid further entrenching that thought into our brains.

The 5 Headed Dragon of Worry

I shocked myself with the realization that I was afraid to stop worrying. Then I became embarrassed. I was a meditation teacher for om's sake!   My attachment (habit) to worry was living and breathing right under my radar and I hadn't even recognized it.

It all started when I read this, "Many of the reasons we feel compelled to worry can be categorized as attempts to gain control over or brace ourselves for some aspect of the future. " Hmmm…yes, I can see this.

And then I read the following 5 most common reasons why people worry. And it all started becoming crystal clear.

Maybe it was because I had never seen them clustered together like this. Or maybe it was because I was nodding my head in agreement to each and every one of them that made the impact.

Regardless, I realized I had just encountered the 5 Headed Dragon of Worry and boy did I have some slaying to do. Let me give them to you here :

• Worrying will stop something bad from happening in the future.

• Worrying about a negative outcome will motivate to prepare us for it.

• Worrying helps us come up with all our options for a particular situation.

• Worrying helps us feel as if we are doing something about the problem.

• Worrying is sometimes used to help us avoid thinking about something else.

Are you emphatically nodding your head right now?  I am… Every time I read this list I am struck by how it feels like I am face to face with a mind reader. 

The first step to my Slaying the 5 Headed Dragon of Worry was knowing these 5 false notions were common misbeliefs.  Radar Detection was going bonkers! 

Finally. Once detected, I get pretty confident that I can take action. And dragons don't really scare me. That much. 

But let me stop here with a couple takeaways. This post is definitely "to be continued".

• Takeaway #1: Marketers know it takes multiple exposures to things to make them stick. Same with self improvement. 
• Takeaway #2: We are never too old to discover our dragons. 

Excerpt from The Mindful Way Through Anxiety by Susan M. Orsillo, PhD. and. Lizabeth Roemer, PhD.