The Holy Grail of Stress Resilience!

I feel like I have discovered the holy grail of stress resilience! It is free, available to everyone and doesn’t require breaking a sweat or twisting into uncomfortable, yet beneficial postures.  It can be used anywhere and at any time.  

It actually is so basic, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it myself!

But, I didn’t.

And Dr. Richard Brown and Dr. Patricia Gerbarg actually went further and have written a whole book about it, The Healing Power of the Breath.  They’re not the first and they won’t be the last to try to educate the masses on the healing power we have at our disposal, our breath.

The little nugget of wisdom I’m practicing and want to pass on is this: 10 minutes each day of coherent breathing. I call it little, because 20 minutes would be Uhmazing, but 10 minutes is still a great start!  

Now the coherent breathing practice has just a few parameters to it. Sit comfortably or lay comfortably keeping a tall spine. Breathe in and out through your nose, 5 times per minute. That comes out to breathing in for six seconds and breathing out for six seconds. Count. Put your attention on your breath and this rhythm of sixes. If you need to breathe more often, say 6 or 7 times a minute when you are beginning that is ok. Start there and work your way down to 5.

Time flies by as your parasympathetic nervous system is engaged in a pure, rejuvenating, resilience building, oxygenated love fest!

Your parasympathetic nervous system is the one that helps reset after our sympathetic nervous system is activated to handle the daily rigors of life, stress and anxiety. If we don’t actively practice resetting, soothing and strengthening our parasympathetic nervous system, we run the risk of burning ourselves out with our overactive sympathetic nervous system.

Sounds almost too simple to work or be worth it, doesn't it? Usually that's the kiss of death to a new habit. When it sounds too easy we often dismiss it at first glance. Or we forget to schedule it into our daily routine, thinking we'll just remember to do it. 

Well, since we totally are too smart for our own britches, let's not let this holy grail go the way of all our past holy grails. Join me in making this one stick/work.

Take a moment now to type it into your calendar. It takes only 10 minutes to start practicing coherent breathing. I'd love to hear about your experience with it!

Is this "Just Me"?

We each have many qualities that help make us unique. Some qualities are passed along by genes and can be considered “Just Me”. Physical characteristics like eye color, curly hair, dimples, color-blind and freckles are just a few.

When we think of things like mood, temperament and challenges with anxiety it isn’t so clear cut. Researchers have found that these personality qualities are most likely caused by a complex mix of genes PLUS factors like life stresses, environment, life experiences, parenting, family experience, and health.

So your genetic make-up can put you at risk for developing anxiety but does not determine it.

That’s great news! Your miserable feelings of constant worry and anxiety are not something you have to put up with for the rest of your life!

What is the New Black?

The "new" OCD is the new black. Obsessive Comparison Disorder that is. I read this phrase recently (coined by Paul Angone) and was struck by how pervasive and detrimental constant comparing is. 

Paul writes, “People used to go to their 10-year reunion and have to make it appear for one night that their life was amazing beyond belief. Now, we’re trying to pull that appearance off every second of every day. It is an impossible, crazy-making, endeavor.” 

Have you been noticing that too?

Here are 3 Ways to Cure Obsessive Comparison Disorder.

1. Awareness. Knowledge is power! Knowing about the OCD "siren song" will keep it on your radar so you can avoid a major shipwreck.
2. Limit your facebook, web-surfing and social media time. These things fuel our OCD. Limit them, limit your OCD.
3. Gratitude. A daily habit of reflecting on 3 things you are grateful for is a total game-changer. 

OCD can be a major mood killer, stress enhancer and productivity black hole.

Practice The 3 Cures to shore up your defenses and stay your course!

Tell me something I DON'T know....

In addition to helping with our anxiety, regular slow, deep rhythmic breathing has been connected to improved digestion, pain relief, better circulation, lower blood pressure, stimulating the lymphatic system and many other integral parts of our overall health and wellbeing.

That is the part you know.

Here's the part you may not...

I’m going to describe something you've done a billion times but still may not really know about....HOW to breathe. 

And you aren't alone.  

The fact is, almost everyone gets into habits of poor breathing!

Optimal breathing should use your abdomen, not just your chest. It should be deep, slow and rhythmic and done through the nose, not the mouth. When you breathe deeply your diaphragm muscle pull your lungs down, so that they expand and so that you can really circulate oxygen down into the whole lung. You also want to make sure you breathe out by pulling your belly button toward your spine as if it is pushing out all the air.  

Regular, slow, deep breathing naturally relaxes the mind and body by allowing better communication with our nervous system. With this improved communication we become much more connected with our bodies and in doing so, our breathing works to recalibrate our body’s anxiety system.

Why Choosing the Dark Side (of chocolate) will Save you Anxiety this Valentine’s Day.

“Judge me by my percentage of Chocolate, do you?” Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

I loved the latest Star Wars! It strengthened my conviction to choose the Light Side over the Dark in all areas...except chocolate. Just in time for Valentine’s Day and all those chocolate hearts!

The healthiness of chocolate is directly related to how much sugar has been added to it. Regular milk chocolate is so full of sugars and unhealthy vegetable oils that the health benefits of the chocolate are a bit questionable.

True dark chocolate (at least 70%), on the other hand, can be good for you and in moderation help your mood. Dark chocolate is exceptionally high in stress reducing magnesium and contains l-theanine, a natural physical and mental relaxant. Scientific studies have found that eating about an ounce and a half of dark chocolate a day for two weeks reduced levels of stress hormones.

For the highest levels of l-theanine and magnesium, choose a chocolate very high in cacao. This 90% dark chocolate may take a few tries to get used to but but it is worth it.

 

5 Things I No Longer Believe about Anxiety

1. It is just who I am.

2. There’s something wrong with me.

3. Feeling better requires me to remember every time in my life I have felt like crap.

4. Talking to a trained professional won’t help.

5. I’ll never feel better.

Takeaway #1: The opposite of all of the above is true. Across the board.

Takeaway #2: Never give up on making your life the one you want to live.

So You Gave Meditation a Shot? Didn’t Work Out? 5 Things to Try Next.

I get it. I am fifteen years into my meditation journey and have a pretty good idea of what you are going through. Here are a few things I wish I would have known to try next.

1. Know that meditation (or attempting to meditate) is like flossing. Even if you do it once a leap year, it is never a waste.

2. Try to limit your distractions when you are working. If you can sustain your focus on whatever you are doing for 15 minutes, you are essentially meditating. Not in the mind clearing sense, but that isn't my idea of meditation. For me, meditation is the ability to focus on one thing and let distractions just come and go. So you aren't focusing on your breath? That project due next week works too!

3. The next time you are driving by yourself, see if you can just pay attention to driving for five minutes. If something takes your mind off driving, like the fb notification you just received or what you are going to do when you get home, bring your focus back to the feel of the steering wheel, the signs passing by, etc. The practice of bringing your attention back to what you are doing right now is as good as any five minutes on a cushion.

4. Take a nice, slow deep belly breath at least twice a day, or as many times as you think about it.  If you remember to do this multiple times a day you won't have to sit on a tiny little cushion another day in your life.

5. Keep the door open to all forms of meditation. Even the kind you tried that sucked. Keeping an open mind keeps us flexible and in and of itself is an offshoot of meditation. It is sort of like driving up to the top of Pikes Peak versus hiking up. The view at 14,114 ft. is the same either way.

Takeaway #1: Any attempts to pay attention to something without distraction is beneficial to our brains and can "count" as meditation.

Takeaway #2: By refraining to label ourselves as someone who "just can't meditate" we avoid further entrenching that thought into our brains.

The 5 Headed Dragon of Worry

I shocked myself with the realization that I was afraid to stop worrying. Then I became embarrassed. I was a meditation teacher for om's sake!   My attachment (habit) to worry was living and breathing right under my radar and I hadn't even recognized it.

It all started when I read this, "Many of the reasons we feel compelled to worry can be categorized as attempts to gain control over or brace ourselves for some aspect of the future. " Hmmm…yes, I can see this.

And then I read the following 5 most common reasons why people worry. And it all started becoming crystal clear.

Maybe it was because I had never seen them clustered together like this. Or maybe it was because I was nodding my head in agreement to each and every one of them that made the impact.

Regardless, I realized I had just encountered the 5 Headed Dragon of Worry and boy did I have some slaying to do. Let me give them to you here :

• Worrying will stop something bad from happening in the future.

• Worrying about a negative outcome will motivate to prepare us for it.

• Worrying helps us come up with all our options for a particular situation.

• Worrying helps us feel as if we are doing something about the problem.

• Worrying is sometimes used to help us avoid thinking about something else.

Are you emphatically nodding your head right now?  I am… Every time I read this list I am struck by how it feels like I am face to face with a mind reader. 

The first step to my Slaying the 5 Headed Dragon of Worry was knowing these 5 false notions were common misbeliefs.  Radar Detection was going bonkers! 

Finally. Once detected, I get pretty confident that I can take action. And dragons don't really scare me. That much. 

But let me stop here with a couple takeaways. This post is definitely "to be continued".

• Takeaway #1: Marketers know it takes multiple exposures to things to make them stick. Same with self improvement. 
• Takeaway #2: We are never too old to discover our dragons. 

Excerpt from The Mindful Way Through Anxiety by Susan M. Orsillo, PhD. and. Lizabeth Roemer, PhD.

How to Call your Brain's Bluff when you are a Complete Beginner

Okay, let’s get on the same page about one thing. I have complete and utter respect for our brain, the saving grace of the human race over the millennia. So when I call it a Liar, um, let me actually change that to a lowercase l, liar, I am doing so with the utmost respect.

That being said, I think I am doing the brain a favor. You see the brain has the hardest job around, to keep us safe in an ever-changing, increasingly complex and distracting world. It will continue to do that for us 24-7 without complaining or ever asking us to cut down on our activities, screen time or complicated lives.

So, the least we can do for our brains is to help it cut down on false alarms. The way we do that is by calling its bluff, calling it a liar (lowercase l) when it is lying or sending out false alarms. You see the false alarms are terribly exhausting for both the brain and body. Not to mention false alarms hijack our attention, make us constantly question our abilities, waste our time in worry, avoid people and places, and can even keep us craving things that are bad for us.

It is everyone’s best interest to be able to get a grip on these false alarms. Let me tell you how to do it.

1. Notice whenever:

• You have some of these thoughts: worries of what might happen in the future, rumination about the past, thoughts of being in danger, or self-critical  thoughts.

• You have some of these feelings: Anger, sadness, disgust, shame, not good enough.

• You have these imaginations: thoughts of worst case scenario, catastrophes or unlikely events, unrealistic happenings.

• You have these physical feelings: Rapid heart rate, shortness of breath, dizzy, stomach distress, headaches, irritability, fatigue, tension

• You do any of these behaviors: Avoid people or situations, nail biting, play with hair, overeat, over drink, try to escape thinking of a certain thing.

2. When you recognize any of the above, take a moment to question its validity.

3. I feel quite confident when I say, many of these will be indications that your brain is sending out a false alarm of some sort.

4. Call your brain’s bluff. Seriously, label whatever is going on a deceptive message.

5. Know that you have done your brain a serious favor and turn your attention to something different, better, more fun, more productive, anything that doesn’t reinforce the false alarm.

• Takeaway #1: Our brains are awesome! 
• Takeaway #2: Over time we reinforce our brain’s false alarms so our brain keeps sending them.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself when you Start to Feel Anxious.

There are definitely a bunch of things you could ask yourself when you start to feel anxious but here are 5 questions that might actually be helpful.

1. Have I recently had too much caffeine? Caffeine has it’s good sides but too much of even a good thing is too much. Green tea, herbal tea or decaf might be a good afternoon option.

2. Am I consuming too much refined sugar? Even if you don’t feel it, refined sugar can cause a rapid boost in mood followed by a crash with symptoms of...you guessed it, anxiety. If that is the case for you, see if you can cut back.

3. Have I taken on too much today, this week, for the foreseeable future? Our abilities to juggle everything definitely can wax and wane. Just because you can handle a ton of stuff one day doesn’t necessarily mean you can handle it for a week straight. It’s nothing to get down on yourself for, just check in and see if you’ve overextended. Mental note it and cut back where you can next time.

4. Was it something I ate? Food sensitivities are gaining more recognition and research backing these days. It’s hard to stay on top of every new food to try or not try, especially when there is a ton of contradictory information out there. That being said, there is some research to suggest that gluten may make you more likely to experience anxiety. Check back to your last meal/snack and see if there might be a correlation.

5. How is my sleeping? Okay here is a total chicken and egg conundrum. Sleep deprivation has been found to increase worry and anxiety. Well, convenient because worry and anxiety have been found to increase sleep deprivation. All this is to say, think about the quality of sleep you had last night if you start feeling anxiety. If you don’t put priority on good sleep, it might be time to start.

Figuring out the symptoms of our anxiety are pieces to the overall puzzle. Try not to leave any stone unturned, it could be the missing one!

• Takeaway #1: Reflecting on behaviors, not thoughts, can give you some insight into your anxiety too.
• Takeaway #2: Without too much trouble you can tweak some things in your diet to see how they impact your anxiety.